Saturday, April 29, 2006

things - Lila - anguish

the incessant humming of the fan - silent sunlight flowing in through the windows - a table littered with books - a wasted education - the face in the mirror - a wretched experiment of nature - the telephone - conversation - Lila - the cold voice - the emptiness - a dry invitation to meet - the bottle of rum in the fridge - two swigs to pour tranquility into blood - the wall clock that is anxious for the future - bleak, scary, purposeless - a look at myself - limbs of pain, leprous skin - just a few more decades of existence - i close my eyes - the past strangling me with colorful ribbons - "happy birthday to you" - a cake stuffed into my mouth - the grease smeared on my heart, lungs, brain - suffocating, stinking, rotten entrails - Lila's melting hands caressing my forehead when my eyes on her lap meet her tears on the sky - i open my eyes - Lila's mangled face squeezing out of my pupils - alas, i close my eyes again - entrapment - fury - an axe, a club - the pulp of the body i loved - blood, crushed bones, putrefying flesh - i kiss them all - purifying rains - i open my eyes - the ghost is born again - the tree - the moist, verdant leaves - the withered, tired, rusty bark - filthy human beings - cars - roads - movement - struggle - corroding ambition - noise, hunger, poverty - a carnival of death - the clawing anguish - a long, miserable, mysterious wait.


Thursday, April 27, 2006

Ear itch

My right ear had been itching inside for a long time. The itch would aggravate in certain positions. For example, when lying on my right side with the ear pressed against the pillow. At times, there was pain in the region below the ear. A course of antibiotics ruled out an infection - the feelings persisted. Physical inspection also dismissed wax collection. I could feel movement within the ear. Like a sharp pricking pain moving along the interiors of the ear - millimeter by millimeter.

A few days back I was lying on the bed with a mirror in my hand early in the morning. I noticed a black spot in motion in the cusps of my right ear. I turned to look at the pillow and found a clear white pillow-cover. Despite some gymnastics with the hand mirror & the mirror on the wall, I couldn't look inside my ear! But then I realized that there was an animal living inside, most probably, an ant. An ant that had liked the warm coziness of my ear. Perhaps, it had also acquired a taste for ear wax.

Days passed.

I have now got used to living with the ant in my ear. It regularly crawls out for fresh air. But returns promptly on seeing any approaching threat including my fingers. It doesn't recognize my human body: it just knows the ear canal - its home; and the ear wax - its food.

We have a language of movement and touch with which we communicate. There are certain head positions that my ant dislikes. During the day, when my head is almost always straight, my ant doesn't move much. I think it sleeps. At nights, particularly when I just lie down, I wake it up with many jolts due to my changing postures. Earlier, due to these jolts, it would run helter-skelter making my ear itch for a long time. Then, slowly, it got used to the daily earthquakes and I, for my part, always moved my head delicately, with care.

My ant feels better now. From its position inside my ear I know when it is sleeping, eating or playing my ear drums!

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